Blah Blah Blah F*ck off!

How drunken Dutchmen taught me to deal with salty authority

As I reported on Friday, following newly elected Glenn Youngkin’s executive order repealing the state mask mandate, my local school board voted on a compromise which allows parents to opt out of masks in school starting today.

Of course, the public school system couldn’t just leave it at that. They had to follow up with the saltiest letter about mask wearing you will ever read. I’ll post it below.

We can refute everything that is said in this letter, and I have the receipts from a year long discussion with the state Department of Health showing they had no idea why they were putting kids in masks in the first place, but a few things stand out:

• They despise the idea of parental rights.

• They admit that none of these interventions have prevented the Omicron variant from producing the highest case numbers we’ve ever seen, yet this does not deter them from recommending the same things over and over again.

• Seemingly out of spite, they moved quarantine time back to 10 days from 5, simply because we have unmasked kids now, which runs counter to CDC recommendations. I guess we only listen to the CDC when it’s convenient.

• They hold the following two beliefs simultaneously: 1) my child is a mortal threat, so scary that anyone could die if she is not masked and 2) that mortal threat magically disappears if she puts a fabric over her mouth.

Think about this. If my child is so scary that you are terrified to be in the same building with her, then how can you suddenly be comfortable just because she put a mask on? Let’s turn this around. If you told me, “David, the teacher could kill your child at any time. But, if we make the teacher wear this facial covering, it’s totally safe,” I would tell you to get f*cked. It can’t be both. Either the teacher is a mortal threat or we’re playing politics. Which is exactly what this is all about with the kids. They are political pawns.

How to properly deal with authority

I used to live in South Africa. Until I met my wife, this period was always remembered fondly as the most fun time I ever had. I spent nearly two years in Pretoria, as an embassy guard in the Marines from 2000-02. I believed everything everybody else believes about the role of government back then. No one is taught libertarianism in schools. So I didn’t have any qualms about what I was doing. I just drank a lot with Afrikaners and had a blast.

And boy was it fun. There was a place in the center of town, right next to the University of Pretoria, called Hatfield Square. I hear it was torn down about a decade ago, and what a shame that is. Hatfield Square was a big block long courtyard surrounded on all sides by bars and clubs, each one facing into the square. The square itself was all picnic tables and umbrellas, and hundreds of Afrikaners drinking daily and nightly.

Image of Hatfield Square back in the day

The bar owners of Hatfield Square were very friendly with the embassy guard Marines stationed in Pretoria. Upon arriving in country, my first night was spent going around to the various pubs and clubs, being introduced to all the owners, and getting my VIP privileges. Not a bad life for a 25 year old.

One pub owner was particularly awesome. She was around 70 years old and her name was Georgie. Her shtick was chasing Southern Comfort shots with Guinness, and loving Marines. I drank a lot at Georgie’s (the second bar on the left in the above picture). Amazingly, she’s still alive, even through Covid and hip replacement surgery, and we are still Facebook friends. Must be the clean living.

Once a year, there’s a great rugby competition. Back then it was called the Tri-Nations Cup between South Africa, Australia and New Zealand. I think they’ve added Argentina now and renamed it. In 2001, it was held in Durban, South Africa on the Indian Ocean coast. The bar owners of Hatfield Square decided to put together a bus and ride down for the game against Australia. They extended the invite to a few of the Marines and I got to join along.

To say that we drank a lot that weekend would be like saying America went through a few masks this year. The bus ride started at Georgie’s pub on Friday morning with Southern Comfort, Guinness… and curry (Durban has a large Indian population so I guess we were getting ready.) Then it was eight hours on a bus with cases upon cases of Castle Lager and Jack Daniels.

After arriving in Durban, the mad drinking binge continued, and at some point the organizer of this little disaster got himself in trouble with the locals. The cops were called. And as we were on our way to the stadium for the game with the Wallabies, the bus was pulled over.

Oh, that poor cop. He had no chance. Imagine a bus full of the 40 drunkest Dutch men you will ever find. Imagine that bus pulled over by one cop on a motorcycle.

The cop interrogates the bar owner sitting up front with the driver, asking he turn over the culprit. Humorously, this is the very bar owner that caused the ruckus, but the cop doesn’t know this. The bar owner says apologetically, “well sir look what I have to work with back here, all these drunks… We’re sorry and I’ll make sure that they behave.”

The cop seems frustrated but there’s not much he can do. He’s about to leave when the rest of the bus starts up a little chant to let him know how they feel about all this.

“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”

Well now, this doesn’t sit with our man in blue (it’s more like black in South Africa, but whatever). He is getting visibly upset and he gestures that he’s going to ground the entire bus. The bar owner at the front - remember, the one who started all this - pleads with the fellas to stop.

They respond.

“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”
“BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF, COPPER!!!”

There’s nothing he can do. Nothing convenient at least. So he tells the bar owner up front to watch these guys and goes on his way. I couldn’t believe it. In America, there would have been a convoy of patty wagons heading our way.

This fun memory was recalled as I read the letter sent by my daughter’s public school system. I feel the same way about this letter that my drunken Dutch friends felt about that cop.

And now, for your reading pleasure, here is the saltiest letter about Covid politics you will ever read.

The letter from our Public School System

Good evening, <county public school> families and staff-

Following last night’s special meeting of the School Board of <my county>, we wanted to give you an update on how the new executive order from Governor Glenn Youngkin regarding masks in K-12 schools affects division practices.

Please be aware that state law SB1303 requires all public school divisions to provide in-person instruction five days a week and to do everything possible to follow the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s (CDC) recommendations for reducing the spread of COVID-19.

Medical recommendations

With that in mind, we want to be very clear that the <county> Department of Public Health, the CDC, the American Academy of Pediatrics, the <state> Academy of Pediatrics and our own health services team continue to emphasize the importance of wearing face masks as part of a comprehensive strategy to help reduce the spread of COVID-19.

We have been able to keep transmission low in school buildings, even when community spread is high, because of our layered prevention strategies. The <county> Department of Public Health attributes this low transmission in large part to vaccinations and prevalent mask use. The success of our layered strategies has maximized learning for our students by limiting the amount of isolation and quarantine required. Additionally, given the recent surge that resulted from the winter holiday, community transmission in <my county> is greater now than at any other time during this pandemic, and we believe it is more important than ever that we focus on prevention strategies. To that end, we again ask families and staff to stay home when sick.

Masking in our schools

The division does not want to violate state law or ignore an executive order, nor can we disregard our school board’s decision to require masks as part of our safety strategies. This places us in a unique situation. Considering the factors mentioned above, and with the goal of safely maximizing in-person learning, we will continue to ask anyone aged two years and older to wear a mask inside <my county> Public Schools buildings and encourage those who are five years and older to get vaccinated.

However, <my county> Public Schools also acknowledges that Executive Order Number Two (EO2). which is set to go into effect Monday, Jan. 24, grants parents the right to opt their children out of the mask requirement while they are in our buildings. This is the only parental right granted by EO2. Because of this, we recognize that we will see students without masks in classrooms. Families who would like to opt their children out of wearing a mask, can fill out a form in <the parent portal>. If you need assistance with accessing this form, please visit our technology support website or call. This information will be retained as part of a student’s record and will remain confidential. This exemption will not apply if the student becomes ill while in school and needs to go to the nurse’s office, where a mask is required.

In addition, all visitors and <my county> Public Schools staff are still required to wear masks in all schools and buildings. And, all spectators (including students) at sporting events and extracurricular activities will still be required to wear a face covering.

Masking on buses

It’s also important to understand that the order specifically applies to students while in school, during the school day. As a reminder, a federal order still requires all individuals to wear face coverings while on school buses with exemptions only allowed for those with disabilities preventing them from safely wearing a mask. The governor’s executive order does not change that. Those parents who choose not to comply with this order will need to transport their child to/from school.

Immediate changes to quarantine/isolation policies

Throughout this pandemic, we have removed layers of mitigation as the data supported. In this new environment, we are reinstating previous layered prevention strategies and evaluating what new measures might be needed. Immediate changes include:

Student quarantine/isolation will return to 10 days. Those students currently in isolation will need to wait the full 10 days to return to school.

Because staff are still required to wear masks in schools, staff quarantine/isolation will remain at 5 days, provided symptoms are improving and they are fever free for 24 hours.

Unvaccinated high school students identified as close contacts will no longer be exempt from quarantine.

The way forward

We hear and understand the health and safety concerns of families and staff related to this order. Any of our families who now may be interested in a virtual instruction option are encouraged to fill out this form so we can assess the level of need, and we can advocate for the expansion of virtual learning options at the state level. If you need assistance with accessing this form, please visit our technology support website or call.

As always, we will continue to work collaboratively with the <my county> Department of Health, and we will continue to monitor the data to determine when or if we can remove layers of mitigation in the future.

As new information about this order emerges, other changes may become necessary. For example, we have been advised that the order is facing legal challenges. We are monitoring and awaiting the outcome of those cases. As always, we will keep you apprised about any changes that may arise.

Given the high transmissibility of the Omicron variant of COVID-19 and the fact that we are amid flu season, it is important that we keep as many of our health safety strategies in place as practicable. Our goal is, and always has been, to maintain a safe learning environment for our students, teachers, staff and families. That’s why we’re hoping you’ll join us as we continue to #<my county>SafeTogether.

Please stay home if you or your child is sick.

Please wash your hands often.

Please practice social distancing.

Please get vaccinated.

And please, wear a mask and choose to have your child wear a mask.

Thank you for your support of <my county> Public Schools.

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To all of this, all I have to say is,

BLAH BLAH BLAH, F*CK OFF