Parody or Covid restriction: Breaking Ankles

And you thought your high school was a prison

As always, h/t to El Gato Malo, the inspiration for our rule of Covid safety:

without knowledge of a speaker’s priors, any sufficiently risk averse Covid practice is indistinguishable from parody.

The news made the conservative media rounds yesterday that Eatonville High School in the great state of Washington was requiring unvaccinated athletes to wear ankle monitors to “trace their contacts.”

Well folks, you will be relieved to know that this has been put to rest. It’s fake news.

Both vaccinated and unvaccinated kids have to wear the monitors.

…the program was aimed only at students involved in athletics regardless of vaccination status.

“A 15-year-old girl was allegedly forced to wear an ankle tracking monitor for volleyball practice at Eatonville High School in Washington state as a condition of participating in team sports,” the article begins. “This was required of both vaccinated and unvaccinated students.”

On Tuesday, the Eatonville High School’s website published an FAQ section that answered questions about the program. The school referred to the devices as “proximity monitors for high contact and moderate indoor contact sports.” 

…“The monitors are for both staff (coaches) and students on the field, regardless of vaccination status,” the statement reads.

Gary Neal, the superintendent for the Eatonville School District, also published a letter addressing the concerns. Neal stated that the sensors were “only worn during participation in the sport” and would allow the school to quickly find any students who may have been exposed.

Oh well then. Since they all have to wear the ankle monitors, we’re cool then.

I mean, nevermind that Covid is not a meaningful threat to high school athletes. We gotta make sure that we can track and quarantine all of them. You know, out of an abundance of caution.

Nothing says superior athletic performance quite like this:

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